Turkey Time

We have had some fun moments surrounding our Thanksgiving Holiday this year. Benny had a "Tradition Feast" at school in his classroom before the couple day break. I had the pleasure and joy of helping out. The kids had all kinds of fruits and veggies at their desk settings. This was where I found out cranberries and even the jellied cranberry sauce were very undesirable with 2nd graders, surprise-surprise. I tried with the "it's like jello" persuasion but they all knew much better. The favorite was the warm apple cider and cinnamon stick that went so smoothly with the stories of Pilgrim days and the Mayflower read by the teacher. We all made pilgrim hats- the girls with white bonnets to symbolize the puritan days and the boys with their handsome tall hats and buckle.

My turkey this year was a unique birdy perfect for the super swamped mom. Stink had a tournament game the day I made a feast of our own. So it was go-go-go just like any other day. I was really craving a day of just relaxing with my boys having nothing at all to do but be silly around the house and cook. I think my turkey sensed my desire and cooperated from then on. I had 15 minutes to prep my main dinner dish. I mixed a quick concoction, gave it a good seasoned rub, stuffed it with my usual and threw some things around our turkey for a touch of beauty and flavor before it plopped in the oven. It was my best yet... would have never expected that! It was a great dinner my boys and family enjoyed. Benny got to break the wishbone with Great Grandpa... such a sweet moment. He won and wishes came true.

I am reminded this day and often of how thankful we are, and how beautiful life is. I have happy, healthy, and rowdy boys... the two sparkles of my eyes. I am thankful for the true happiness and joy they bring- the deep loving connection we all have. I am thankful for the sisterhood in my friends, the guidance of my family, the growth in my career, and the people and lessons learned along the ways. Thanks to all...

Dear Steve,

This may be your last letter from me. No tears, but I have a lot of thoughts as this day comes, what would be our 6th wedding anniversary and about 9 years of knowing you... but I am at a good place and things have come to a close of this delicate chapter. It is still so very astonishing to me how quick lives can forever be changed and your future takes a turn in a direction you thought and hoped it really wouldn't. What is even more astonishing is looking back... where I was one year ago. I have never faught so hard or gone through something so unbearably painful. It was the worst sting I've ever felt. The ache that lingers on even after you pray so hard for the hurting to go away sometime soon. So bad your not really sure if there will be a better. That's a horrible feeling I don't ever wish for anyone to go through, not even you. Now here I am.

I've seen that sting creep up in you now. How the tables have slowly been turning. I still feel like I know you just as well as I know myself, but even that will fade in due time. You still have a hard time looking at me in the face. I see every shade of bitterness in your eyes that try to avoid mine and feel it in your voice that still tries to manipulate me. You have heavy shoulders of shame. It's clear it's hard for you. Those quick decisions made by you out of ignorance and a lack of self control in a lustful world costs far too much than you thought you were going to have to pay. The lost friends you have... but even worse is the lost respect of many more. The hurtful but true words spoken to your face and the ones behind your back. The "what if" that will always be in the back of your mind. The reason for the tears our children shed because their home is broken, you selfish bastard. The "some-day" you will have to explain to the men I raise. The future time you will have to face as someone fills the shoes you couldn't. That's not very green grass for you, you know it. I think I would rather take my pain for one more round than deal with that. I was the best wife and mother I could possibly be when you had me... I can and do have closure on my end. Yours will always be.

I'm as happy as I can be in my life right now... amazed at the strength and endurance I possess. The stages of grief are over for me, the unneccesary ties cut, and memories now ditched between us. I'm out of that box you always kept me in... This obstacle hasn't changed me but has certainly changed the way I look at some things. I am still naive at times... it keeps me unique, sweet, and humerous. I'm still too trusting... but have learned it can be a beautiful thing in the hands of the right person. I am becoming wiser about the men I choose to be in my life... and will not settle for anything but the best in a partner. I'm so excited to see what life has in store for us from this point. My three wishes for you: faith, confidence and true happiness. Through whatever we've been through and will continue to go through, please remember... I will always be here for you as a friend and continue to be the best mother I can be to our boys.

Love,

Jennifer

"The Power of Promises"
by Lewis Smedes

Yes, somewhere people still make and keep promises. They choose not to quit when the going gets rough because they promised once to see it through. They stick to lost causes. They hold on to a love grown cold. They stay with poeple who have become pains in the neck. They still dare to make promises and care enough to keep the promises they make. I want to say to you that if you have a ship you will not desert, if you have people you will not forsake, if you have causes you will ot abandon, then you are like God. What a marvelous thing a promise is! When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.

Spiced Pumpkin

Silly or not, I had to name a post after my favorite yankee candle that not only fills up my home with it's delicious smells but sets the mood for my favorite season: Fall. The air is cool and the sun is still shining bright, and outside is the sound of playing kids. Makes my heart go pitter-patter. Another gift this season brings is the fun Holiday of Halloween. There's a different thrill in the spooky fun our adrenaline brings in all the "scaries" towards the end of October. I caught the boys snuggled together in S. Stink's bed with the covers pulled to their chins snuggled together in the dark like twins in a bassinet. Eyes were wide open and glaring at the screen, watching ghost stories on TV... busted by mom in the crack of the door. So what else do I do but yell "rah!!" . It was twisted motherly fun that made them both scream.

There was no Disneyland this year or seasonal Schnepf's Farm visit at my house but here was our fun:

Pumpkin carving with Grandma, Uncles, baby B, and Auntie Jose. The boys were very different at their approach towards pumpkin carving this time around. Benny was very simple about his plans, determined to achieve them, and was decisive and patient about carrying them out. Stink chose the most complicated pumpkin carving design, did 5 minutes of work, and tried to get mom to finish the rest. They all turned out great, and in the name of fun.

Trick or treating was a night of friends, neighbor potluck food, conversation, great costumes, candy... and a butt rash. I won't disclose which boy this was but halfway through trick or treating I spot a funny walk and a facial grimace. "Mom, my butt hurts, really bad" says this dear boy. I watched as he tried to hide the funky face and keep up with the door to door but he broke down, and I carried home. My thanks goes to Desitin rapid relief for soothing a raw Halloween butt. This boy learned that night about the expense of wiping when he should, and doing a good job of it. At the end of the night when all was quiet and the sugar high has faded I got a "Mom, thank you so much for making my bottom all better." It was a Halloween save mom will always truly be remembered for.

Butterfly

A new day, a new life for us is what I would like to share in this post. It's so beautiful, really. People change, we all learn, and only some grow. We have had one giant load of change recently. It's been some wonderful modifications to us individually and as a family.

I decided to make a switch in my career, it's been a night and day difference... literally. No more night shifts for me, this girls gone day. I decided this was much needed over a summer vacation when my body got to experience a sleep routine at night... and got to feel the energy/clarity/rest that was lacking from the past year and a half of nights. Too hard to go back at that point.

Butterflies are... so symbolic. Meaning some of soul, love and a new beginning in life after being in a state of entrapment. I remember of such a time when butterflies didn't fly, what an omen that day. Though now in these times I swear my soul is still the same, with more love in my spirit... here is my beginning... here is our start.

I was deliberately wary about the change I put my much loved children through. This was the time though. We eased out of that hard fog we were amidst. We needed that familiarity of our old home and the all that went with our life there... and taking time to say the bye we needed. So here we are and moved into a new home- out of the fog and entering into our clarity, still strong together as ever! That's a loving family. And might I add still with the people and surroundings we value and cherish so deep in our lives, so lucky we are.

During that fog a good friend of mine gave me a gift that said "Just when the catepillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." Wink, wink. :)

Our Old Girl

Our dog... a piece of our family... my princess... Pursie, turned 13 this year! Stink asked how many years that is in "people age". When I said about 90 years old both Stink and Benny laughed as they looked at each other- whoa style. Yes, it has grown into a very respectful relationship.

I remember when my Mom brought her home, I was still in school and she was just a few years old. She clung to me and I adopted her... stole her right from my mother. She knew where she belonged though, with me! She was my girl. We would go on walks alone together, trips to the dog park and I remember the very spot behind my legs she would snuggle up to every night. I loved dressing her up in shirts and Halloween costumes. I remember her chewing fetish that was short lived, but ended after a very expensive pair of shoes were targeted.

She's still my girl. She watched me grow into a woman and have babies... been through it all with me. She loves Benny and Stink just as much as me... protected them as infants to now, and let them tug and drag her around during the process.

Now it's different, but our love is still the same and strong. Last year we almost lost her to a tooth infection. Her eyesight is now gone and she will no longer walk up the stairs... but she wags her tail just the same when I come home as she did when she was a pup.

We celebrated her birthday this year with presents, "Pursie" party hats and moist food with a lit candle in it- which she about singed her whiskers on not seeing the flame.

My sister came over for the day with a mechanical baby, a life-like baby project for school. Pursie sat next to the baby carrier like she did when the boys were tiny, right back to protecting. The baby started to cry and she got up sniffing the baby and stood tall right next to it. She may be blind, old, stinky, and not the best guard dog... but she certainly tried her best to fulfill her doggy duty.

We love her so much... we had a good life with her... and that girl is the most loyal thing I have ever met.

Family

First things first... I can't believe I haven't blogged in over two weeks. I'm so excited to type! I have been super busy with normal life stuff, extra stuff lately. I made some big decisions and changes to my daily routine and adjusting to them, so readers... hold tight and thank you for your patience.



I felt I needed to touch on family tonight. Family is so very important... and family is different to everyone. We can't choose them, and if we could, whoever made the rule would be more than famous. Don't laugh! But- I don't want to choose my family. The family that I have, I love. They aren't perfect... by any means. We all have flaws and imperfections, that's the beauty of difference. The real "pretty" is the lessons. We learn from what we see, what we go through, and what we don't.

It isn't family that makes or breaks us... it's us and the decisions we make for ourselves and how we want to live our lives. I am thankful for my family, realizing now more than ever how thankful I am. Dysfunction is in every home to some degree and we all have no rights to judge. There isn't such a thing as a perfect person or the perfect family, and usually the ones that get that label just have things a little more hidden than others... It's all generally there and the same, just do a little digging.

Which comes to why I am so thankful. I have my Faith. I have wonderful and wise grand-parents who are supportive and full of guidance. I have parents and some siblings who have lifestyles that I have learned from. I have the best of friends to share the life that I have made and chosen for myself. That is my family... that I love dearly. Family is what you make it to be. We can't change the cards we are dealt, nor should we want to! You can overcome anything, no excuses to be who you want to be. I grew up with the good and the bad just as everyone does with or without a family. This has tailored me to be someone I am proud of. Though I'm not perfect, it's made the perfect recipe for... me.

So Long, Summer...

If I could bottle up summer and taste it everyday on a long lunch break I would. Summer is a unique pace... one that we all need out of the year. It's a great combination mixed just right to relax. I don't know what I like best: laying out poolside in the toasty sun or not being awoken by the alarm clock. It might be right up there with not doing homework and shuffling around like the crazy soccer mom I am at times. What I do know is that this summer rocked! It was filled with lots of love, friends, family, and some great trips.

Aaron and I took the boys to California and spent some time in Del Mar with my family. We stayed at a beachfront hotel... which is the way to go with kids I soon found out. It made hauling all the food, chairs, toys and umbrella pretty darn easy. Benny and Stink discovered "skim boards" this trip. They are thin pieces of wood similar to a skateboard without wheels that you throw down as the oncoming beach waves go back... skimming across the thin water on the sand. Uncle J-man was a great teacher. Oceanside dinner, sunset watching, and an early morning run along the coast were just icing on this trip. We spent a day at Legoland and checked out the newly added water park. My Arizona boys weren't that excited about it being the water park pro's they are, but they sure enjoyed it... We all did, all about 8 hours of it. Aaron drove us home after our long Legoland day... he earned the daddy-ready stamp, I don't know what else does. I think he was a better trooper than the experienced I at this! I do have a souvenir I would have liked to leave CA without. The wreaking stench of old cooler water that leaked out in the back of the car... smells like something died, which is what I thought. Nothing the good ol' carpet cleaner can't take care of but you better bet this will remind me to cap that water spout at the bottom of the cooler next time!

The boys were spoiled with the beach and all of California's goodies this summer. They deserved it. They went for another week in CA with their Dad after we returned home. So I took advantage of the time I had to myself, which is scarce. Hello Banner PTO! Aaron and I took a trip together to his hometown and then to Table Rock Lake with his family... Beautiful. Warm. Romantic. A great time I would have not wanted to spend with anyone else but my love. It was hard to leave that, but easy to return to my much missed little blondies and our home sweet home we have together.

Our summer was also filled with a trip to the zoo, water parks, pool days, play dates, lazy days, and snuggle moments.

Benny Button also had a birthday! My baby turned 6... so we celebrated it 6 times... Well is what it felt like anyway. Once in Arizona with all of Benny's little friends... in California with family... and the day at Legoland. Happy Birthday again baby boy!!

Dear Summer:

Thank you for your warm days, warmer moments, and free spirit. Can't wait to visit you again next year!

xoxo