Turkey Time

We have had some fun moments surrounding our Thanksgiving Holiday this year. Benny had a "Tradition Feast" at school in his classroom before the couple day break. I had the pleasure and joy of helping out. The kids had all kinds of fruits and veggies at their desk settings. This was where I found out cranberries and even the jellied cranberry sauce were very undesirable with 2nd graders, surprise-surprise. I tried with the "it's like jello" persuasion but they all knew much better. The favorite was the warm apple cider and cinnamon stick that went so smoothly with the stories of Pilgrim days and the Mayflower read by the teacher. We all made pilgrim hats- the girls with white bonnets to symbolize the puritan days and the boys with their handsome tall hats and buckle.

My turkey this year was a unique birdy perfect for the super swamped mom. Stink had a tournament game the day I made a feast of our own. So it was go-go-go just like any other day. I was really craving a day of just relaxing with my boys having nothing at all to do but be silly around the house and cook. I think my turkey sensed my desire and cooperated from then on. I had 15 minutes to prep my main dinner dish. I mixed a quick concoction, gave it a good seasoned rub, stuffed it with my usual and threw some things around our turkey for a touch of beauty and flavor before it plopped in the oven. It was my best yet... would have never expected that! It was a great dinner my boys and family enjoyed. Benny got to break the wishbone with Great Grandpa... such a sweet moment. He won and wishes came true.

I am reminded this day and often of how thankful we are, and how beautiful life is. I have happy, healthy, and rowdy boys... the two sparkles of my eyes. I am thankful for the true happiness and joy they bring- the deep loving connection we all have. I am thankful for the sisterhood in my friends, the guidance of my family, the growth in my career, and the people and lessons learned along the ways. Thanks to all...

Dear Steve,

This may be your last letter from me. No tears, but I have a lot of thoughts as this day comes, what would be our 6th wedding anniversary and about 9 years of knowing you... but I am at a good place and things have come to a close of this delicate chapter. It is still so very astonishing to me how quick lives can forever be changed and your future takes a turn in a direction you thought and hoped it really wouldn't. What is even more astonishing is looking back... where I was one year ago. I have never faught so hard or gone through something so unbearably painful. It was the worst sting I've ever felt. The ache that lingers on even after you pray so hard for the hurting to go away sometime soon. So bad your not really sure if there will be a better. That's a horrible feeling I don't ever wish for anyone to go through, not even you. Now here I am.

I've seen that sting creep up in you now. How the tables have slowly been turning. I still feel like I know you just as well as I know myself, but even that will fade in due time. You still have a hard time looking at me in the face. I see every shade of bitterness in your eyes that try to avoid mine and feel it in your voice that still tries to manipulate me. You have heavy shoulders of shame. It's clear it's hard for you. Those quick decisions made by you out of ignorance and a lack of self control in a lustful world costs far too much than you thought you were going to have to pay. The lost friends you have... but even worse is the lost respect of many more. The hurtful but true words spoken to your face and the ones behind your back. The "what if" that will always be in the back of your mind. The reason for the tears our children shed because their home is broken, you selfish bastard. The "some-day" you will have to explain to the men I raise. The future time you will have to face as someone fills the shoes you couldn't. That's not very green grass for you, you know it. I think I would rather take my pain for one more round than deal with that. I was the best wife and mother I could possibly be when you had me... I can and do have closure on my end. Yours will always be.

I'm as happy as I can be in my life right now... amazed at the strength and endurance I possess. The stages of grief are over for me, the unneccesary ties cut, and memories now ditched between us. I'm out of that box you always kept me in... This obstacle hasn't changed me but has certainly changed the way I look at some things. I am still naive at times... it keeps me unique, sweet, and humerous. I'm still too trusting... but have learned it can be a beautiful thing in the hands of the right person. I am becoming wiser about the men I choose to be in my life... and will not settle for anything but the best in a partner. I'm so excited to see what life has in store for us from this point. My three wishes for you: faith, confidence and true happiness. Through whatever we've been through and will continue to go through, please remember... I will always be here for you as a friend and continue to be the best mother I can be to our boys.

Love,

Jennifer

"The Power of Promises"
by Lewis Smedes

Yes, somewhere people still make and keep promises. They choose not to quit when the going gets rough because they promised once to see it through. They stick to lost causes. They hold on to a love grown cold. They stay with poeple who have become pains in the neck. They still dare to make promises and care enough to keep the promises they make. I want to say to you that if you have a ship you will not desert, if you have people you will not forsake, if you have causes you will ot abandon, then you are like God. What a marvelous thing a promise is! When a person makes a promise, she reaches out into an unpredictable future and makes one thing predictable: she will be there even when being there costs her more than she wants to pay. When a person makes a promise, he stretches himself out into circumstances that no one can control and controls at least one thing: he will be there no matter what the circumstances turn out to be. With one simple word of promise, a person creates an island of certainty in a sea of uncertainty.

Spiced Pumpkin

Silly or not, I had to name a post after my favorite yankee candle that not only fills up my home with it's delicious smells but sets the mood for my favorite season: Fall. The air is cool and the sun is still shining bright, and outside is the sound of playing kids. Makes my heart go pitter-patter. Another gift this season brings is the fun Holiday of Halloween. There's a different thrill in the spooky fun our adrenaline brings in all the "scaries" towards the end of October. I caught the boys snuggled together in S. Stink's bed with the covers pulled to their chins snuggled together in the dark like twins in a bassinet. Eyes were wide open and glaring at the screen, watching ghost stories on TV... busted by mom in the crack of the door. So what else do I do but yell "rah!!" . It was twisted motherly fun that made them both scream.

There was no Disneyland this year or seasonal Schnepf's Farm visit at my house but here was our fun:

Pumpkin carving with Grandma, Uncles, baby B, and Auntie Jose. The boys were very different at their approach towards pumpkin carving this time around. Benny was very simple about his plans, determined to achieve them, and was decisive and patient about carrying them out. Stink chose the most complicated pumpkin carving design, did 5 minutes of work, and tried to get mom to finish the rest. They all turned out great, and in the name of fun.

Trick or treating was a night of friends, neighbor potluck food, conversation, great costumes, candy... and a butt rash. I won't disclose which boy this was but halfway through trick or treating I spot a funny walk and a facial grimace. "Mom, my butt hurts, really bad" says this dear boy. I watched as he tried to hide the funky face and keep up with the door to door but he broke down, and I carried home. My thanks goes to Desitin rapid relief for soothing a raw Halloween butt. This boy learned that night about the expense of wiping when he should, and doing a good job of it. At the end of the night when all was quiet and the sugar high has faded I got a "Mom, thank you so much for making my bottom all better." It was a Halloween save mom will always truly be remembered for.