Defensive Player of Season, Round II

I'm so proud of you, you know you had it. Never lose that confidence.

Mom, the Tooth-Fairy is cheap...

So Stink lost his tooth "naturally" for the first time!! It was time for this one, without a doubt, no football or abscess pre-maturing this loss. I picked my boys up after school and as we are walking to the car Stink says, "Mom, you know if your tooth is really shiny and white the tooth-fairy gives you more money... one of my friends got $100 for one tooth!" Trying to not show my astonished look because I already had a dollar and some change set aside for his pillow pocket I say, "Well, are you sure it wasn't $1?" "No mom", he says quickly. So coming up with a last minute story of- Well, I guess it depends on how many children lose their teeth that day... the tooth fairy has a budget you know. As he put his tooth in his tooth-fairy pillow pocket before bed he reminded me of how shiny and white it was. Yes, we all know Stinks teeth are little rows of small pearls... dangit.

I had to teach him though, mean as it may sound... mom's teach lessons, not hand out large bills. He awoke the next morning and didn't say much. In my probably annoying excited voice I go, "What did the tooth fairy bring you?!!!" "She only gave me a one dollar mom." "I bet she gave you change too, because maybe she didn't have enough money but she knew how good you cared for your teeth." Yeah, lesson semi-learned and a buck richer little man. I love you.

Loss

Am I married to Judas or Peter?

Church this Sunday was, well... simply amazing. I was planning on going to church with my mother, but things don't always go as planned, and they do this for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Stink begs to go to our church on Sunday, and I did something hard. Put aside my feelings and listened to him. He works through our children. He does.

The topic was "Famous Lost Words: Loyalty"
Loyalty to your job, loyalty to your family, loyalty to God, loyalty to your spouse. What is loyalty? Loyalty is simply faithfulness... no matter what. No matter what comes, it doesn't really matter as much as your word, your sworn vow. Set-backs, frustrations, failures... are no excuse because it was that deep. And it was. It was meant to be. What are your true colors, and where do you cross the line? Loyalty requires something bigger, someone greater than yourself... and even difficult times to settle it. Self centeredness: the core of destroyed loyalty.

Lives change in an instant... everyday. Mine did. We were as one and it's stolen. It's like someone died. It's a lonely feeling. You were it for me, and I know that I was it for you. It's irreplaceable. I miss you. What do I miss though? It may be lost, just as lost as you are right now, so lost. You took it all with you, wherever you are. That's something I cannot control, but He does. Is it there though? I know it is, and it will never go away. Were these our famous lost words, or famous last words?

Anger

How dare you... shame on you. Ripped apart our family with selfish behaviors. I hope your happy, but I know your empty, completely empty. Though I'm angry I feel sad for you, pure pity... and it's because I love you. I don't know you, your eyes are different when I saw them today. Superficial fulfillment's won't last, it never will... regrets will come. I didn't deserve this, my kids didn't deserve this. The silver lining- I've learned a lot from this relationship, I am stronger than ever... and we will make it. I gave you 110%, and what a slap in the face, you gave that intimate love we shared to another. Your right, your words from your very own mouth, "you don't deserve me."

Diamonds Are Made Under Pressure

My faith, my children and my dignity is what I have... and I am clenching on to them. You do your best, that's all you can do. Never will you be able to control someone, never can you make someone love you and sincerely want you. The truth always comes out in the end, always. Actions speak mountains larger than words. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. It's damned hard... but we will persevere no matter what, because you know what, we always do.

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”.