Christmas Crumbs

Christmas is a time of friends, family, love, and memories... I'm missing something this year.

On a personal blog note I thought things would be much tougher on my soul and spirit this Christmas. Things are getting easier and it's true... time does heal the heart... I still have a ways to go though, don't get me wrong. This shocked heart and soul was very much in love and committed until the end. But I'm getting over you, it's true. It helps when I think of the way you treated me throughout the years and how beautiful of a person I am... on the inside and out, and what I have to offer... and what I should get in return. Still learning that. Tears... they come when I remember the good times with you that I miss so much. The "crumbs" of us, what's left. The "unsuperficial". I bet you miss that too. You could always make me laugh... and I could always make you smile, and bring out that genuine twinkle in your eye. I loved that look from you. But that twinkle is gone and it's filled with a coldness and darkness, from someone who I don't know anymore. I will hold those warm and special moments in my heart that made me laugh and feel happiness, forever. Those are when the tears come. But the tears are getting few and seldom these days. That knot in my throat is getting smaller and easier to swallow. My body would leave room for you on your side of the bed still every-night, and I would awake with that same spot saved, empty pillow and un-made portion is what I would wake up to. But I find myself waking up in the middle now. I'm getting there... slowly but surely.

I try to make the most out of what I have left, which is quite a bit when I dig. I'm doing a fabulous job. I have Christmas crumbs of us tonight as I set the boys' things from Santa around the tree and fill the stockings... and look at my empty stocking that you would always thoughtfully fill. But I will make it... without you.. just like I've been doing. Great memories of the "new three" will come tomorrow morning and fill my heart with happiness, once again.

Merry Christmas... :)