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The divorce is now legally final. How do I feel about that? I'm okay, and I'm going to be okay. It's not the way I wanted my life or my family's to turn to, but we can't control other's behaviors, or the effects of them. There are just some things that when you do in a relationship... they can't bounce back... and things are never the same. The most precious things become un-precious and it's not special anymore. Especially when you don't work on fixing them. While I wanted to fix things looking through scared and sick-love eyes, thank you for not letting me do that again. Not letting me put myself through that hell you were always so good at putting me through. No one deserves that. Some people don't value relationships the way they were meant to be anymore. Sometimes I hope you get what you deserve. But passed the anger and every one's thoughts and words... I know that you are a good person who just made some very bad choices because of some deep-dark issues. I'm sorry it ruined us, and I'm sure you will be too. I wish you all the very best my love...

Christmas Crumbs

Christmas is a time of friends, family, love, and memories... I'm missing something this year.

On a personal blog note I thought things would be much tougher on my soul and spirit this Christmas. Things are getting easier and it's true... time does heal the heart... I still have a ways to go though, don't get me wrong. This shocked heart and soul was very much in love and committed until the end. But I'm getting over you, it's true. It helps when I think of the way you treated me throughout the years and how beautiful of a person I am... on the inside and out, and what I have to offer... and what I should get in return. Still learning that. Tears... they come when I remember the good times with you that I miss so much. The "crumbs" of us, what's left. The "unsuperficial". I bet you miss that too. You could always make me laugh... and I could always make you smile, and bring out that genuine twinkle in your eye. I loved that look from you. But that twinkle is gone and it's filled with a coldness and darkness, from someone who I don't know anymore. I will hold those warm and special moments in my heart that made me laugh and feel happiness, forever. Those are when the tears come. But the tears are getting few and seldom these days. That knot in my throat is getting smaller and easier to swallow. My body would leave room for you on your side of the bed still every-night, and I would awake with that same spot saved, empty pillow and un-made portion is what I would wake up to. But I find myself waking up in the middle now. I'm getting there... slowly but surely.

I try to make the most out of what I have left, which is quite a bit when I dig. I'm doing a fabulous job. I have Christmas crumbs of us tonight as I set the boys' things from Santa around the tree and fill the stockings... and look at my empty stocking that you would always thoughtfully fill. But I will make it... without you.. just like I've been doing. Great memories of the "new three" will come tomorrow morning and fill my heart with happiness, once again.

Merry Christmas... :)

Stink, yes, he's 7!!

7 years ago... my world was rocked, in the most awesome way. Boy, this mommy loves you so-so much. I have to give you the best B-day I absolutely can. So that's what I did. That's what you deserve.

I had his party at a sports complex with an indoor football field. I was amazed that so many of his friends were able to join us this year. I know it's a hard time of year for everyone, especially to make it at a birthday party, but y'all did!

I have a true son ( 2/2 ), and the most active boy I have seen yet. Seriously. He loved every sweat bead that dropped off his face as he played with his most best friends on his most special day. And mom loved wiping it away and seeing that "I'm having so much fun" smile on that dear face. He had a wonderful football party, to say the very least. Thank you all for coming and making it so special for my pride and joy.

My Family: Brothers, Mom, Sister, Dad, Step-mom

Dad, his sister and new brother-in-law...

Friends...

More Friends...

Happy Birthday Big Boy!! Kisses!! XOXO

Week of Wonderful Winter!

I soooooo love this time of year... my favorite. The smell of bon-fires and fir trees, the sight of Christmas lights and decorations, the friends and family that make the best company, the junk food (mmmm)... who wouldn't love this time of year?! I had one of the best weeks I think this particular week. I had received these wonderful hockey tickets to the Coyotes game a while back and wasn't really prepared for the goodness in store. One of my dear friends, Amy, moved out of state and to cherish one last ounce of her before she left I hauled her with my angels and I to the game. So we get there right... and I am walking down to our seats... and down... and down... and down... to the 6th row, where yes I could see wrinkles and sweat on those dirty hockey players- and in the middle too. What a treat and what fantabulous seats!! I got hot chocolate and popcorn as if it were even needed... the boys sat in awe and loved every minute. I love getting compliments on what good boys they are... they truly are... compliments came... I love those men of mine! Benny buttons has gotten quite the outspoken wild hair in him lately. This really sweet lady sitting next to me hinted that sometimes they give away an NHL puck if you go and ask... which like I said we had great seats and were right there. So Benny's wild hair and him (who couldn't resist his cuteness) gets down there and asks for a puck and his blue eyes bright as the sky shined as he held his very own NHL hockey puck from the game, given to him. Made his night... and mine. :)

So this week continues on, up North in Williams for the Polar Express. If you don't know the story learn it... it's magical! We went with our very dear neighbors who we absolutely love and cherish and have so much fun with. Lots of kids and lots of adults and lots of good times. I will admit... I had some "new single-mom challenges" but nothing I didn't get through... I get through everything. The boys had an exceptional time. We rode on the train while reading the Polar express story and drinking hot cocoa and munching on warm cookies. Santa came and paid a visit on the train ride. We snuggled in the night, Benny and I... that's what he needs right now. We woke up and had the best buffet breakfast I think we have had... and those are hard to get. Then, we found a dear spot on the way home to sleigh our fun "Costco sleighs" sledding down those hills... perfect. Stink was crying when we got in the car. Thinking it was because he was snowy and wet and cold I ask, "What's wrong hun?" In which he replied, "I don't wanna go Mom, this is fun." We all need those times... where we semi-leave our cares and worries behind... and just... laugh. What a wonderful week.......