Sundays

Sunday is the best day of the week... I get re-focused on what's important in life. I haven't been myself though. I haven't prayed the same, read the same or stood in church the same since all this. So there I sat alone in church and I cried this morning, just sat there and let my eyes well up. I have been angry with God subconsciously and faced it this morning. I know I'm being put through all this for a reason and something beautiful will bloom for me and my family, I know this well... but at times I can't help wondering why a man like this was put in my life, someone that would do this to his family and mostly put innocent kids through this who don't deserve an ounce of it. Someone who would smirk at me then skip out of town with "her" and expect me to make everything OK in the meanwhile, just like always, huh. The someone who takes advantage of a serving heart. The someone who rips a family apart, emotionless. The someone who faked it, who played it. Why didn't You show me this ugly heart 3 years ago instead of thinking it was changed, why now? I will not play the victim, but I am healing and these are my thoughts. My vision is re-focusing and I have genuine peace in my life during this heart healing process. I will do it with more love in my soul for you Lord because I know you will always take care of us... I'm sorry, so sorry for my anger... and I won't lose this relationship. I have faith you will take this hurt away from us, someday. The bad things happen to the stongest people, and I have been strong all my life. So let Your strength carry me through this, which is the only way I can pull through this the way it's supposed to be.

"Only love can leave such a mark, only love can heal such a scar."