Fall is in the air...

... love it! It was actually cold out tonight and we had to wear jackets, amazing! Things are good, life is good, and I am happy. I have the best two gifts a girl could ask for. I took them to Schnepf's Farm for this Halloween season, it's a part of our tradition. We crave it about this time of year. Schnepf's Farm is a local farm that puts on a Fall Festival filled with rides, great food, and fun times. The boys got their faces painted when we arrived and of all the things to do they wanted to go crazy running, jumping and sliding down a big stack of hay bails.
So I let them. Next up: the train ride. Our all time favorite is the train ride around the Farm, but during this particular event after 6:30 it turns into a "spooky" train ride... the boys have always made a mental souvenir of this each time we go. So Benny all tough says, "This isn't scary Mom, it's cool." Then turns around and makes sure he sets up his reservations early to sit in the middle of us. :) The coaster is fun and the underground slide is more good times. I attempted to pile us into this four-seater car/tractor thingy on wheels that you pedal through the rough dirt and race other families. You see though, two people are supposed to pedal. I thought heck, I could do this with my new gym thighs... not. The pedals budged around maybe a couple times and Stink looks back... "mom, you need help, let me help you". I insisted that I had this and I could do it. So I push it a little to get a head start and try it that way. Nope, that didn't work either and now my thighs and butt are on fire. "Mom, let me just help you." Not taking no for an answer Stink came and helped me pedal and we did it! What a good boy, bless his heart. We didn't get very far but we did it.
So after this us Arizonian's were fareeeezing and we thawed by the bon-fire and roasted marshmallows together.
I would have to say that Schnepf's had the Charlie Brown Pumpkin Patch this year, it sucked. But we did manage to pick out two small ones just the right size for my loves. It was a swell night. See you next year Schnepf's... thanks for the wondrous memories, as always!

Sundays

Sunday is the best day of the week... I get re-focused on what's important in life. I haven't been myself though. I haven't prayed the same, read the same or stood in church the same since all this. So there I sat alone in church and I cried this morning, just sat there and let my eyes well up. I have been angry with God subconsciously and faced it this morning. I know I'm being put through all this for a reason and something beautiful will bloom for me and my family, I know this well... but at times I can't help wondering why a man like this was put in my life, someone that would do this to his family and mostly put innocent kids through this who don't deserve an ounce of it. Someone who would smirk at me then skip out of town with "her" and expect me to make everything OK in the meanwhile, just like always, huh. The someone who takes advantage of a serving heart. The someone who rips a family apart, emotionless. The someone who faked it, who played it. Why didn't You show me this ugly heart 3 years ago instead of thinking it was changed, why now? I will not play the victim, but I am healing and these are my thoughts. My vision is re-focusing and I have genuine peace in my life during this heart healing process. I will do it with more love in my soul for you Lord because I know you will always take care of us... I'm sorry, so sorry for my anger... and I won't lose this relationship. I have faith you will take this hurt away from us, someday. The bad things happen to the stongest people, and I have been strong all my life. So let Your strength carry me through this, which is the only way I can pull through this the way it's supposed to be.

"Only love can leave such a mark, only love can heal such a scar."

Disneyland

I feel... accomplished and strong... and relaxed. I decided to take a vacation with the boys over their Fall Break from school and took two weeks off of work. After all it is our favorite break. We can go outside without the scorch of the sun, roll the windows down in the car as well as open them all up in the house. With the light of a pumpkin candle on the kitchen counter and some Halloween decorations up it's bliss. We planned on taking the boys to Disneyland this time of year but things happened. I did not let that stop me, no no. We did it, with style of course- me, the boys, and the best sister in the world. My mom and brothers even met us up there. First we all started the break with Swine Flu, it was not lovely. My sister was in on the fun as well. So the swine crew with their tamiflu packed up and loaded in the swine-mobile and off to California we went for 5 days. It was so much fun, and by far the best trip I have had with the boys. We have never been to Disneyland, all our first time. This is where my accomplished feelings come in. I got us there and back in the car... amazing with my sense of direction.

I accrued Disney Dream Points throughout this last year so I got some sweet perks for all of us. We got to do a Character Dinner and Breakfast, sneak private peak at Toon Town where we met Mickey and even toured his house. We were at the Disneyland Park and California Adventures all 5 days. The first day we went to an event called "Mickey's Trick or Treat Party". It's a Disneyland costume party. The boys dressed in their vampire costumes and went trick or treating around the park, rode rides and had fun till' 11pm... yes tired vamps they were at the end of the night. The very first ride we went on was called "The Tower of Terror". I wasn't really expecting anything but a tour of a scary hotel and mild elevator ride. We were all surprised when the elevator dropped extremely swiftly (like your heart dropped to your toes swiftly) which was the ride. Poor Benny. I thought there were going to be tears after that. I think the ghostly figures freaked him out more than anything though. We got to do all the rides at least once, Space Mountain and Tower of Terror were our most visited rides by far... loved em.

Here comes the strong, and I am going to add proud of myself. Proud that I am still strong enough to be the mother that I want to be... even now... and it will go on.