My loyal Miniature Shnauzer went past her time, it was time. It was time long ago and it was me that held on grasping at little reasons why she's got more time. It's hard, harder than I really thought. I help people with making that decision in the hospital with their dear human loved ones. Here I was... couldn't listen to my own ethical teachings, even about a dog. I didn't realize what I was doing until I heard the 4th shpeel from someone about putting her down. It's hard to listen when you have that bond, we adored each other. You want to hang on and savor everything you can. She wasn't my girl I knew anymore though. She smelled, that old rotten smell... even after sharing my personal expensive Kenra washes with her. She was blind. Her hearing was about gone. She just layed around and barely ate. I even think she aspirated during a bath. I think I got every inch. I was dipping into replacing those good old years we had together with these... you shouldn't do that, danger zone. I had a false code I guess I will tell you about. I came home after work one day without her greeting me. She can't hear but can usually feel the vibration of the door slamming shut. My death-dar was a bit sensitive as she had a poor appetite and vomited recently. I went in my room to find her in her spot by my bed. I called her name- really, really loud because I didn't see any rise and fall of her doggy chest. She didn't move. I touched her and she still didn't move. I dropped my things and ran out of my room bawling, saying I'm not ready for this. I sat at my island with my tears hitting the counter. I didn't know what I was going to do and I couldn't stand the thought of picking up her dead body. No one answered their phone. I went back into my room after the failed calls, still crying, to take another look at her. She raised her head. My dramatic scene was all for nothing but knowing it's now time. Benny knew it was her time too. I found this in his backpack along with a note of how he loves my nachos I don't ever remember making him. I love you Ten-Ten.
Let me interpret this Benny-ese.
My dog is blind. And she is lazy. And she is nice. My dog is fury. And she has a black nose.
My girlfriend offered to help her to the other side. We gave her her favorite dinner the night before, the boys made it... with love and tears. We all sat together in the living room before bed, in a love nest the boys had made on the floor. They kissed her stinky head. We prayed and asked Jesus that when he takes her from us if he could please play with her and let her run again and see. Sergeant stink got patchy. He gets these red blotches when he's really upset trying to hold it in. We lost a very dear member of our family the next day, but Heaven gained a gem to play with. As if this couldn't get any harder we get another whammy.
I heard a gasping, forced whale down the hall coming from my Sergeant. In that split second I thought the next thing I was going to see was a gusher for sure needing medical attention... we are about due for one of those actually. He ran to me, not even looking at me and just grabbed and clenched on to me. I held him and felt his deep gasping continuing as he cries, "My fish is dead mom, he's floating. I don't know what happened." All I could say in that moment to my little man who rarely cries is how sorry I was. It didn't help, not much could. This was his very first pet that was solely his and something only he took care of, very good care of. He loved that Betta. Benny was a bit teary eyed as well, I think that was from seeing his big brother so hurt. We have never seen him like this. We all hugged. I took Betta out and put him in a gift card tin so Stink could see him for closure. It was a Betta viewing. S. Stink took his finger to touch him and rubbed part of the scales off. That made his sobbing escalate for a second- icky, bad idea, sorry honey. He got his closure, I saw him briefly grief for the very first time. He told his friends about it very openly at the Science Center and that's when I knew he was doing a bit better. He got a new Betta... a fancy crown tailed Betta. He had expectations of the old fish displaced onto the new. Maybe it was too soon. I coached him along though, telling him to give the new fish a little time. We all need time in a new place. Sure enough with a little time and patience the new Betta was swimming in and out of his toy and fanning his tail when Stink came to the tank.
Death can be a beautiful thing... We got to experience that in our very own home with Pursie. I'm glad I finally got it before it was too late, and we were able to spend the last night together as a family... getting that dignified ending in her life she deserved. She was the best dog, loyal through all of our family's experiences. We will miss you sweet girl, kisses.
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