Lessons on a Father's Day

Here are my two angels in the works of helping our community from going hungry, participating in the Arizona Hunger Campaign. It's a project our church is participating in, so we pitched in this morning and filled up a large bag full of items much needed for those less fortunate. We are too fortunate... but very fortunate to be practicing hospitality. Another great lesson we are learning is opening doors for others, especially the ladies. I haven't had to open the car door for myself since teaching them this, so I think my little gentlemen got it.

Sunday service was unexpectedly touchy for me this morning on Father's Day. We talked about the sometimes underestimated and important role the Father or Father figure plays in a child's life: it's deeply impressionable. Which makes the job of a single Mother double time. This was when I almost broke into a sweat. Stink and Benny have a Dad, one who they love so very much... and look up to. This can be frightening to me with what my children had to go through and face this past year. This makes my job so much harder, but not an unachievable one by any means. It doesn't matter what it's been, it's what you do with it now. They will learn the value of a relationship, of a marriage, respect for themselves and others, and making wise life choices.

I have the best Father. He is making me the strong person I was meant to be, He always knew I could be. He's always been there for me whenever I needed Him and the sometimes when I forget I need Him... and despite my imperfections. He is my Peacemaker, Guider, and Healer. He is my Rock, and the Perfect Father. I am thankful He is in my life... but more thankful He is in my children's lives as well to help raise them into their full potential and be the best men they can possibly be. I'd say we are off to a good start. :)

Happy Father's Day!

Benny's Love Note

About a week-ish ago Benny runs up to me, hands me this paper, and runs off...







I opened it up and had developed teary eyes to go with my smile before I squeezed his breakfast bagel out of him. As if he had a choice in keeping me but, I'm glad to know that if he did, he would. I love you too Benny. Heres to keepers!!

Broken Heart

This must be the year for it. I must write though through all of this pain, I feel better than I ever have been about myself, and I can't explain how much I've grown... and learned. The bitter sweetness to free myself of that sick, 8 year dance I was so careful at maintaining. I took some time for myself, for just me... then for just my boys and I. It takes time, serious time. Realizing where I went wrong, and vowing to myself never to return to that place with another man... again. So many of you want to see me incredibly happy and tell me all the time how deserving I am of that... Thank You. Others can't read this blog anymore... too painful.

I have recognized my pattern in choosing men, and I have had quite the experience in dating them after my divorce. The alcoholic, the cheater, the married man, the work-a-holic, the liar. Remember that Nurse in me? That Nurse in me which makes me feel so good to fix things, to always make them right. Well, the only place that's good for is at my job... and that's where that is staying and going no further. It used to feel good to sacrifice all of me to try to make someone happy, even if that meant I didn't get what I needed out of life and relations. That was the old comfortable place of mine. I'm learning a new love for myself. I am still the giving, caring person I was who will do most anything for anyone I love and don't love... I will never change that. But- I've learned to get what I need in a real relationship and what I give in a relationship mirrored back at me. Anything less is goodbye.

Which comes to a special man that I want to write about... meet Aaron. I will never forget the moment I layed my eyes on that handsome man. We talked... for hours when we first met. The kind of conversation you crave and can't get enough of, something I never had with someone and always wanted. We dated for months... I can't tell you how happy this man made me in those months. I felt things for him I never felt with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It's no wonder... this time someone gave to me in a relationship. He gives to her what I give to him. Telling me how beautiful I am inside and out, the time he wanted with me and spent, cooking with me, reading with me, dancing in my kitchen to DMB with me, the lunches he packed before work for me, the CD's he made, the cards and flowers... the so much intimacy. I felt so close, closer to him than anyone yet. It was a good feeling. He will forever have a solid chunk of my heart for that. I needed that. I got to a place where I knew exactly what I wanted, and deserved. I found that in him. He valued me. Through all this he wanted to make a commitment to me and then meet my boys... oh how they loved him. He was so good for us.

I'm sad to say we aren't together anymore. But it's not the end of my happiness. Just a great start... and what a terrific first boyfriend. He is truly an amazing person to me. So here he is... the memories of us. He deserves a spot on my blog for those forever footprints he left in my heart and soul. Thank you for everything you know you did for me and my boys... and all you didn't know you did. Thank you for showing me I can love again, I can trust again. I love you for the you, you were to me...

Summer Break Begins

We are off to a great start! The boys' last day of school was on Wednesday. I now have a future 1st and 2nd grader at home for 8 straight weeks. I am determined to keep them busy, busy enough to avoid them pounding the crap out of each other and every other morsel of brotherly love that occurs when they spend too much time together. They actually get along very well at times, and I am blessed when they have those close brother/friendship moments.

I decided to take them to the Phoenix Zoo for our grand entrance into the summer. So, Thursday morning we all got up at 6 and were ready and at the zoo at 7 am when they opened... which is the only way to do it in this heat. It was so nice because it wasn't crowded yet and the animals were all out enjoying the weather. This was the first time we were at the zoo and saw every animal out! We saw a jaguar up close... Benny only a couple feet away in awe of how big the kitty's teeth were.

We toured over to the children's area where Benny met a turkey... who loved him. There they were: turkey to turkey. Benny ran back and forth outside of the cage while the turkey mimicked him, not losing sight of him.

We walked over to see more exhibits and animals where we came across the spider monkey. I decided that if S. Stink were an animal, this is the animal he would be. We laughed about it but the arms, legs and skinniness of this animal was like a bunch of Stink's in one cage playing around.

We found a fun water pad area after a train ride tour, where the boys were able to go down a water slide and play in the splash zone before we headed home.

Another ending treat was feeding the ducks. I brought a loaf of aging bread along to share with our feathered friends. Little did I know. We not only had ducks, but we also had birds, turtles, and fish. They were eating out of our hands too!!

We certainly filled up the rest of our day post zoo. We had a wonderful lunch, some summer buzz-haircuts for the boys, and basketball practice. Somewhere in there I squeezed in the gym and Chik fil A's family night. So by the time we got home we were all over-whooped.... in a very good way. It was surely a great summer day together!