Mama Bear... loves her cubs, so dearly. My two cupcakes make a good little pair for a ripe mom. The Sergeant knows how to melt my heart just right and Benny keeps me on my toes. Just a little about each:

S. Stink gives me a gaze of love like no other with those big brown lashful eyes of his. He tells me the sweetest things I've almost ever heard to butter me up only for me to squeeze the pickle juice out of him. He's brought me otter pops when I've cried and even snipped the tops off so they are ready to eat. He opens doors sometimes and tries to make my tea. He tells me it's okay. He loves me.

Benny Buttons stops me in the busy rut of life and makes me listen. He warms my soul with all of the sensitivity he possesses. His tender personality softens our family and makes me more aware of the world around us. He totally makes me giggle. His hair drives me nuts, in a good way. He gives me a hand whenever I need it and always makes sure that my parenting skills are the latest and greatest. He shows me when it's not okay. He loves me.

Those boys make me feel irreplaceable and make it known... the greatest confidence. Those boys also made it the best Mother's Day I have had yet! The day before we went to the store to prepare for our Mother's Day Pizza I have decided we will make every year. As we were talking in the parking lot about what toppings to put on the pizza, Stink comes up with a brilliant idea. He tells me, "Since you call us Muffins and Pickles and Cupcakes why don't we just make all of those too. Then you won't have to make anything all day." So we did, we got all of those, then I prepared the pizza toppings in containers in the fridge all ready for the boys to put together the next day. We woke up and they made muffins without any help minus me turning the oven on. Benny certainly knows how to crack eggs well. I will admit I was concerned about crunchy muffins, but they nailed it.

They started the day gung ho style and said they were even doing the dishes, all day. Surprisingly we did make it to church without being late. I had plenty of time to get ready and the boys were the ones rushing for a change. The dishes didn't get done until after, then when the job was done and the depth of the dish work was realized... Stink happily let me know that I could just do the rest of the dishes tomorrow. It was the sweet and generous intention that counted to me though. Lunch was pretty much snacks and a jar of pickles on the counter... and oh my gosh I got to take a nap. It felt weird and I was a little disoriented when I woke up to the boys icing my almond cupcakes. The kitchen was a disaster, I almost stuck to the floor and the dishes were piled up in both compartments of the sink... but I surely felt the loves. We put on our roller skates and skated around the neighborhood together and saw some friends.

We ate pizza late. It was a combination of me partly not knowing how to time manage a day with a nap squeezed in and the fact that I ate too many delicious cupcakes. Benny thoroughly enjoyed putting the pizza together and Stink asked me if he really had to help. At this point Stink was tired, Benny persevered. At this point I was ready to take over, but I didn't. Instead I watched and clipped my toenails too short as I kept my mouth shut and told myself repeatedly that I will have my kitchen back tomorrow. Then, they read me stories in my bed. It was... a perfect day with my cute muffins, sweet cupcakes, sour pickles... making me all what I call them.

As much as they do for me, I would do absolutely anything for them... with a happy heart and a smile. I will work two jobs, almost go crazy fighting for them, manage around a bizarre schedule so they get to keep their peace, stay home because they need me, resist some change because they need familiarity, still go when I'm tired because they need consistency... all while cooking them dinner, have a dance with them, sing to them, read them stories and pray with them. Being a mother is a beautiful love like no other. They are my pride, my joy. It is the biggest dose of selflessness. Us moms know how to truly sacrifice. Sometimes we get hurt and build this high tolerance to pain without even knowing how tough we become. It is the hardest, yet most rewarding relationship I've ever known. It is my most favorite job in the world.

There is one thing that I hope my boys will learn from me and will live by when they are older. That is to be Faithful in all that you do. To the Lord, your work, your family and friends, but most of all to your own self. I love you two and thank you for making my day and my life so darn special. ;)

Mediocre Medium

I was so utterly full of whole wheat blueberry pancakes this morning that I even remorsefully eyed the morning's communion differently... as we talked about being still, content, a little less legalistic.  It can be hard to do. We like busy, it's certainly fun to be on the go. It can and does eventually catch up whether you see it, feel it, both or neither.


School, running club, running all over town, homework, soccer practice, plus games, football, mom's house, dad's house... then mixing in some sort of nutrition, family time, friendships, sleep. Hault!

I smelled it. It was too much, boys. Before soccer ended I felt it in the cranky attitudes, and saw it on the sleeping faces in the car. It was going to stop, at least at my house, anyway. I love to be the mom that does it freaking all... I try my hardest anyway. It's a tricky balance as a single parent and there are some things that we just have to alter now that my boys and I have different demands. If  we aren't respecting these higher demands- we are short with eachother, family time dwindles, we don't see our friends as much... all of the really, really, really important things fade. I will be the mom that notices them and saves them. Club Soccer was absolutely so much fun, but honestly too high of a demand for our demands. So... it's a break until Fall Football, at my house.

It's been so nice. We are working on attitudes, communicating... brushing our teeth twice daily, seriously. The boys have had time to play with their old friends again... we even met new ones. I can't tell you how good it was to have some of my neighbors over and hear my girlfriend's familiar snort after a couple glasses of vino. I even got to go out on a few dates.

This weekend my boys came home :) Their usual routine when they come home is to go straight to the kitchen and eat, strip off unimportant clothing, wipe out somewhere for talks/snuggles/kisses and poop somewhere between these things. My Sergeant told me how tired he has been, how he just wants to rest this Saturday afternoon. This of course had nothing to do with the recent NFL draft. So this weekend, we stayed put... we were still. I find that in those times the best memories are made. I see my children's unique personalities a bit more. I did two things I often don't get the chance to do: read uninteruppted chapters in my book and watch a full movie without falling asleep. Benny and Stink drug out toys that they haven't seen in a while and used their imaginations. We swam... and had our first night-swim (a favorite of ours). Well, the boys did anyway... still too chilly for mom to dip anything more than her feet in. We had a booksale today that we all pitched in for...

I'm even blessed to have this time to reflect... it's a work in progress to squeeze in all the things we still love and then have time for our very important, top priority relationships. We will find our happy medium! Sometimes less is more...

Hope

This house of mine is full of love... more than ever and sometimes feels like it's busting at the seams. I am so blessed. I love to share that atmosphere over delicious food and fun times. Especially like on days today... where celebration is... a must (just like ties on Easter Sunday).

We did share some lovely times today in this house full of love, with loved ones. I will say though that my internal aura was different for me. I am tired. I probably worked too much this week then stayed up too late cooking and preparing my home and baskets for the people I love. Benny woke up at 2am to shuffle through his Easter basket Mom made for him... then tried to wake up brother to tell him he had one too. At 5:30am I heard Benny at the back door awing at the shiny eggs he spotted. I had to stop him when I heard the screech of the wooden chair as he dragged it to the door to open the lock. He was really going all the way for it until Mom stopped him.

I started my day unintentionally cranky, stemming from lack of sleep. I did partially melt when I saw my muffins in their ties... wanted to eat them alive like I do every year, so handsome those boys are. It was a peaceful day. The boys played so hard. They metabolized all of their sugar they ingested and had the black feet to prove it. We decorated what I think was the best Easter eggs yet... We attached the egg's arms and hair with super glue. This opened a whole new world for Benny... he discovered something better than tape. I saw him reach for it when he thought no one was looking. Could have been disastrous.

Benny's:

Stink's:

More importantly than Easter Egg Hunts and candy is the story behind the celebration. My God sent his one and only Son to us. This Son walked the Earth created to share wisdom and unconditional love and write a story to guide us all. He went through shame and hatred and died the most tortuous death ever known to us... one so painful we cannot comprehend. What we can comprehend is the message. The message I heard today was that there has to be an insurrection before there can be a resurrection. All that we see is not all that there is, and is supported by something much Greater than ourselves. We all get to a place or have a moment where we lose hope. We do not know the plan for us or what is ahead. We can choose to let it go to the right Hands and have hope through obedience and patience... the sweetest surrender. Embrace the troubled times, it may be a part of your plan... pray through it, but certainly don't let go of your hope.

I sat with someone today who told me she had set up her life in an order she thought was right. She said she thought she had it all with her house and everything in it and all she had.... until all she had was lost. She realized that those things were simply things... and that stuff doesn't matter. What she was left with was herself and discovering deeper. How amazing.

Happy Easter... may you remember the story... and your own. Now mama bear wants to go read Peter Rabbit to her cupcakes... ;)

Sergeant's Stuffies

Stink... you made me smile today. The kind of smile that reflects the thoughts behind your eyes and the grin on your face... so genuine you don't even know your wearing the look. You can always make me smile like that. It happened once this morning looking at this before we left the house:The way you made your bed. You always make it so neat, take your time and put your heart into it. You layer your blankets and pillows so flawlessly. Then you tuck in every one of your precious buddies in a certain order. I know which ones are your favorite by how worn out they are and where you place them. You even took off a pillowcase to cover an extra stuffy up this morning. It's so you.... so thoughtful. Like how you open the car door for me sometimes and tell me it's okay if we don't do your hair because you don't want to make me late for work. You do as best as you can to look out for me.

Today, I had to come home and look at it again so I could wear that same smile. I can't wait to see you... there's a ton of kisses coming your way mister! Get your lips ready... might as well get your entire face ready...

Love You Always & Forever,

Mom ;)

Sprink Break 2012

When I look at my boys I see my babies... they have the same eyes and the same certain features as they did when they would look up at me as I cuddled and carried them in my arms. They will forever be my babies and I will forever see them as so. I enjoy our time together... especially on school breaks when life takes a slower pace for them. Hello Spring Break!
... nice to see you again.

The boys and I decided to make a spring break fort when school was out. Location: Benny's (entire) room. I dragged out every blanket and pillow in the linen closet, and gathered more from the living room and the extras on the beds. Benny had the storage tape out days ahead in preparation for his portion of the building. Anytime he can use tape he will, and he does. I find empty rolls of it in the kitchen drawer when I need it, and know where it's gone when I find balls of it under Benny's bed. He's fascinated with it's potential, obviously. My Sergeant directed me to get all my safety pins in my sewing box and told me where I should put them while he watched and gathered the fort fillings. The end product made by us three was amazing. We had Christmas lights and a TV inside. There was one opening to get in and one by Benny's dresser so he could still get to his clothes and shoes. The boys finished with a name and some rules for our fort.

The fort was not to come down until the very last day of Spring Break, and that was pretty much the only rule kept. I'm quite certain all the others were broke. Every stuffed animal in the house ended up in there and the fort did get semi-recked once by roughhousing and throwing. The boys spent every night in it together... mom too minus a couple days so my back could recover. It was good quiet times in there with our snuggles watching Shake it Up. The boys had a couple of snacks and some lunches in there... which was a real treat to them considering most everything stays in the kitchen.

Out of the fort we hiked our gorgeous nearby mountains with some wonderful friends.... smelled the unforgettable fragrance of the creosote and collected rocks along the way. Ran into a rattlesnake again, but this time behind some glass in a cage. We saw our Diamondbacks play at a Spring Training Game on a sunny and clear after-rain (beautiful) day. The home run ball landed in our lawn section... perfect ending. We skated some and played at the park. We had good intention to make a stop at Barnes and Noble for a new table book, but didn't quite make it there... bummer. Most important and greatest thing was we just loved each other so very much until we were just sick of it. There was grass and punches thrown on the last day of the break with a hot tongue, making Ms. Cholula come out of the fridge. I sent them back to school with a dirty wine glass on the counter and a smile on my face.

Spring break is also about the time when Grandma and Grandpa go back to their other home. We were fortunate enough to spend some time with them at a place they used to take me when I was little. The boys and I enjoyed every ounce of that day, one we all won't forget. I snagged a picture with one of my favorite men to compare the then and now:

Today- I kissed Spring Break and a favorite man goodbye... and both... bittersweet.

I wanted to save the unexpected last for the unexpected during Spring Break. I got to see my dear friend and her family... a family that I consider just as my own growing up with them. More importantly than seeing my girlfriend and talking about how we will always see our precious boys as our babies... I got to be there for her and her family, as best I could. As a friend, daughter, sister and nurse. As she lost her Grandma, a strong and loving woman... Heaven gained a gem that is now looking over her girls. A quote said by her...

"It is better to be kind than to be right".

The Hot McDavid Secret

We just finished the dearest soccer tournament.... the Ostrich Tournament... and even went to the festival that went along with it. For all this Ostrich talk we saw not one, not even an egg or a race. We did get to play hard with some of our soccer friends between the six games at this Ostrich Festival. It started off with me getting lost, big surprise. Once we were established and had scoped out the park for properly functioning rides, the games were on! The babes and I just love crazy coasters and usually fudge height restrictions so we can push it to the daring limit. Benny had a hard time holding his head up on some scrambler ride. When we came to the ending stop us two were a silly sight with mom's voluminous hair and my Ben Tenny's right facial drool semi-dried to his cheek. The carnie food was sick. It's something that looks so good and something you must indulge in for the full effect. I can still feel the apple-cinnamon funnel cake in my tummy that has left a constant state of mild nausea for the past day. This stuff doesn't seem to bother the babes though. My sergeant finished off a whole bag of cotton candy, even munching as he mosied through a fun house licking his fingers as he touched the handrails triple coated in bacteria... and whatever else. Made me cringe a bit. At least I know the root of the upcoming runny nose and possible mystery virus. The little pickles fell fast asleep on the way home in the car, of course. As I'm stripping Benny for bed in his semi-sleep when we get home I've noticed he stole something of brothers... and he knew at that moment that I knew because he became wide awake. Benny was wearing S. Stink's prized possesion and lucky McDavid soccer compression shorts under his pants. The ones I just washed for his brother to wear for his game the next morning. Benny looks at me straight in the face with his wide eyes and shushes me as I'm giggling and teasing like its going to wake someone... then proceeds to tell me to get him up early and he will take them off so brother won't even know. So I go along with the plan... it was sneaky and I felt the sneak, but it worked. Benny owes me, big time... that would have been a rotten fight.

I haul my little dirty recycled McDavid butts to the rest of their games. It was a blessed mix of sunscreen, soccer balls, sweat and tears. My sergeant scored a goal and I missed it!! Benny was on fire and scored three goals just himself (got to see every one)... I don't know if it was the rubbed off McDavid luck, my butterfly ring he likes me to wear, or our U2 song we rituously play before our games. Whatever it may be, it worked. Most importantly they also did what mom asks: had fun and did their best. Every soccer game and tournament is dear to us, but this, the dearest. It may be our last as this marked the year's end. This hit me and the floodgates of my eyes opened after Stink finished his game. I just love so much about it. Watching them work hard at something they enjoy playing is a proud mama's joy. Seeing them build their confidence and take criticism as they develop team comradery is special to me. I'm sure the love will go on to the next sport in tackle football if the boys choose to in the Fall. We had fabulous coaches, solid teams, two of the cutest soccer players I've ever laid eyes on, a dedicated mama bear, and a pair of lucky McDavids. What a year... excellent job muffins! You make your mom so proud.

My Lefty, My Righty

"Mom, go do it... see if you can clear it." My Sergeant says about this neighborhood bike ramp my boys discovered this past week. He said it like there was no doubt in his little mind his delicate mom could take the dip, height in the middle and crash land ending in the dirt... all on her pink beach cruiser that squeaks. Made me giggle and almost try it. Instead my boys had their fill of it themselves this weekend, the wounds to prove it. A hair shy of our annual ER visit. Benny looks like his face was rubbed with coarse sand paper... Stink developed an Easter Egg above his right eye. When the gravel gave Benny the unpleasant kiss, his brother was right there by his side... walked crying Benny to meet mom with one hand and with the other walked Benny's bike. He said the precious words I've caught him saying many times before, " It's o.k. Buddy". They most certainly look out for eachother, which brings me to this...


A book that sits on our dinner table to read together called "Mothers and Sons- why sons always need their mothers". A page that is true: A son needs a mother to encourage brotherly love. Brothers are a blessing not everyone gets the chance to have. The brotherhood is a unique relationship that should be nurtured, cherished by the lucky keepers. Any mother of sons knows it needs proper encouragement and guidance at the right times. My boys certainly know how to love eachother, no doubt. I leave that be to them and watch it blossom into their unique bond only they can create. I know well it is a fond/fight relationship. Mom steps in during the fights to preserve and remind them of the fondness they have for eachother. Sometimes it works, and it's through a break, discipline, or redirection of focus. I'm lucky that my boys already have formed a strong brother-bond. It does have it's trying times though... They are different, in almost every single way.

Sergeant Stink (Primary Love Languages: Gift Giving, Acts of Service)

-likes short hair

-very outgoing

-can handle quite a bit

-protective

-adores his mom

-eyelids are shut by 8pm, early riser

-loves a big breakfast, first thing

-washes every crevice and compliments it with body spray

-right handed

-brown eyed

-stindgy with his goods

-stays out of the kitchen unless someone made food for him

-electronically challenged

-"mom do it for me"

-adjusts to things quickly

-prefers fish and fruit

-likes things, trinkets and clutter

-Non fiction reader

Benny (Primary Love Languages: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation)

-likes long hair

-sensitive and shy

-needs a little more nurturing

-wants to know he's protected

-adores his dad

-goes to bed late, likes to sleep in

-doesn't like eating breakfast

-needs to be reminded to comb his hair and use soap in the shower

-left handed

-blue eyed

-likes to share anything he can with you

-loves to cook with mom

-good with electronics

-"mom, let me do it"

-needs to be well prepared for things/no surprises

-enjoys preservative loaded food

-likes a clean, organized, have only what you need environment

-fiction reader

It's no wonder why they have some occasional clashing... but they do compliment eachother very well. I don't know if it's their strong love, differences, or the combination. Whatever it may be, it works. Caring, sharing Benny usually lets brother have the first say because he knows he likes to run the show. Benny taught Stink how to use his PSP. Something that Stink told me about... I will never forget. His brother would get scared and cry at night when he was away from home, adjusting to somewhere new. Stink told me he would hear him and go to his room in the night to sleep with him so that he wouldn't be so scared. I bet I know just what he told him too... buddy it's o.k. One thing my two boys will always have is 'eachother'. Despite the shuffling and some things they go through, they can always count on going through them with one another. Here they are, together...

and again...Here's another...and a couple more... and another...
another...

and another...

I couldn't narrow it down! ;)