Sergeant's Stuffies

Stink... you made me smile today. The kind of smile that reflects the thoughts behind your eyes and the grin on your face... so genuine you don't even know your wearing the look. You can always make me smile like that. It happened once this morning looking at this before we left the house:The way you made your bed. You always make it so neat, take your time and put your heart into it. You layer your blankets and pillows so flawlessly. Then you tuck in every one of your precious buddies in a certain order. I know which ones are your favorite by how worn out they are and where you place them. You even took off a pillowcase to cover an extra stuffy up this morning. It's so you.... so thoughtful. Like how you open the car door for me sometimes and tell me it's okay if we don't do your hair because you don't want to make me late for work. You do as best as you can to look out for me.

Today, I had to come home and look at it again so I could wear that same smile. I can't wait to see you... there's a ton of kisses coming your way mister! Get your lips ready... might as well get your entire face ready...

Love You Always & Forever,

Mom ;)

Sprink Break 2012

When I look at my boys I see my babies... they have the same eyes and the same certain features as they did when they would look up at me as I cuddled and carried them in my arms. They will forever be my babies and I will forever see them as so. I enjoy our time together... especially on school breaks when life takes a slower pace for them. Hello Spring Break!
... nice to see you again.

The boys and I decided to make a spring break fort when school was out. Location: Benny's (entire) room. I dragged out every blanket and pillow in the linen closet, and gathered more from the living room and the extras on the beds. Benny had the storage tape out days ahead in preparation for his portion of the building. Anytime he can use tape he will, and he does. I find empty rolls of it in the kitchen drawer when I need it, and know where it's gone when I find balls of it under Benny's bed. He's fascinated with it's potential, obviously. My Sergeant directed me to get all my safety pins in my sewing box and told me where I should put them while he watched and gathered the fort fillings. The end product made by us three was amazing. We had Christmas lights and a TV inside. There was one opening to get in and one by Benny's dresser so he could still get to his clothes and shoes. The boys finished with a name and some rules for our fort.

The fort was not to come down until the very last day of Spring Break, and that was pretty much the only rule kept. I'm quite certain all the others were broke. Every stuffed animal in the house ended up in there and the fort did get semi-recked once by roughhousing and throwing. The boys spent every night in it together... mom too minus a couple days so my back could recover. It was good quiet times in there with our snuggles watching Shake it Up. The boys had a couple of snacks and some lunches in there... which was a real treat to them considering most everything stays in the kitchen.

Out of the fort we hiked our gorgeous nearby mountains with some wonderful friends.... smelled the unforgettable fragrance of the creosote and collected rocks along the way. Ran into a rattlesnake again, but this time behind some glass in a cage. We saw our Diamondbacks play at a Spring Training Game on a sunny and clear after-rain (beautiful) day. The home run ball landed in our lawn section... perfect ending. We skated some and played at the park. We had good intention to make a stop at Barnes and Noble for a new table book, but didn't quite make it there... bummer. Most important and greatest thing was we just loved each other so very much until we were just sick of it. There was grass and punches thrown on the last day of the break with a hot tongue, making Ms. Cholula come out of the fridge. I sent them back to school with a dirty wine glass on the counter and a smile on my face.

Spring break is also about the time when Grandma and Grandpa go back to their other home. We were fortunate enough to spend some time with them at a place they used to take me when I was little. The boys and I enjoyed every ounce of that day, one we all won't forget. I snagged a picture with one of my favorite men to compare the then and now:

Today- I kissed Spring Break and a favorite man goodbye... and both... bittersweet.

I wanted to save the unexpected last for the unexpected during Spring Break. I got to see my dear friend and her family... a family that I consider just as my own growing up with them. More importantly than seeing my girlfriend and talking about how we will always see our precious boys as our babies... I got to be there for her and her family, as best I could. As a friend, daughter, sister and nurse. As she lost her Grandma, a strong and loving woman... Heaven gained a gem that is now looking over her girls. A quote said by her...

"It is better to be kind than to be right".

The Hot McDavid Secret

We just finished the dearest soccer tournament.... the Ostrich Tournament... and even went to the festival that went along with it. For all this Ostrich talk we saw not one, not even an egg or a race. We did get to play hard with some of our soccer friends between the six games at this Ostrich Festival. It started off with me getting lost, big surprise. Once we were established and had scoped out the park for properly functioning rides, the games were on! The babes and I just love crazy coasters and usually fudge height restrictions so we can push it to the daring limit. Benny had a hard time holding his head up on some scrambler ride. When we came to the ending stop us two were a silly sight with mom's voluminous hair and my Ben Tenny's right facial drool semi-dried to his cheek. The carnie food was sick. It's something that looks so good and something you must indulge in for the full effect. I can still feel the apple-cinnamon funnel cake in my tummy that has left a constant state of mild nausea for the past day. This stuff doesn't seem to bother the babes though. My sergeant finished off a whole bag of cotton candy, even munching as he mosied through a fun house licking his fingers as he touched the handrails triple coated in bacteria... and whatever else. Made me cringe a bit. At least I know the root of the upcoming runny nose and possible mystery virus. The little pickles fell fast asleep on the way home in the car, of course. As I'm stripping Benny for bed in his semi-sleep when we get home I've noticed he stole something of brothers... and he knew at that moment that I knew because he became wide awake. Benny was wearing S. Stink's prized possesion and lucky McDavid soccer compression shorts under his pants. The ones I just washed for his brother to wear for his game the next morning. Benny looks at me straight in the face with his wide eyes and shushes me as I'm giggling and teasing like its going to wake someone... then proceeds to tell me to get him up early and he will take them off so brother won't even know. So I go along with the plan... it was sneaky and I felt the sneak, but it worked. Benny owes me, big time... that would have been a rotten fight.

I haul my little dirty recycled McDavid butts to the rest of their games. It was a blessed mix of sunscreen, soccer balls, sweat and tears. My sergeant scored a goal and I missed it!! Benny was on fire and scored three goals just himself (got to see every one)... I don't know if it was the rubbed off McDavid luck, my butterfly ring he likes me to wear, or our U2 song we rituously play before our games. Whatever it may be, it worked. Most importantly they also did what mom asks: had fun and did their best. Every soccer game and tournament is dear to us, but this, the dearest. It may be our last as this marked the year's end. This hit me and the floodgates of my eyes opened after Stink finished his game. I just love so much about it. Watching them work hard at something they enjoy playing is a proud mama's joy. Seeing them build their confidence and take criticism as they develop team comradery is special to me. I'm sure the love will go on to the next sport in tackle football if the boys choose to in the Fall. We had fabulous coaches, solid teams, two of the cutest soccer players I've ever laid eyes on, a dedicated mama bear, and a pair of lucky McDavids. What a year... excellent job muffins! You make your mom so proud.

My Lefty, My Righty

"Mom, go do it... see if you can clear it." My Sergeant says about this neighborhood bike ramp my boys discovered this past week. He said it like there was no doubt in his little mind his delicate mom could take the dip, height in the middle and crash land ending in the dirt... all on her pink beach cruiser that squeaks. Made me giggle and almost try it. Instead my boys had their fill of it themselves this weekend, the wounds to prove it. A hair shy of our annual ER visit. Benny looks like his face was rubbed with coarse sand paper... Stink developed an Easter Egg above his right eye. When the gravel gave Benny the unpleasant kiss, his brother was right there by his side... walked crying Benny to meet mom with one hand and with the other walked Benny's bike. He said the precious words I've caught him saying many times before, " It's o.k. Buddy". They most certainly look out for eachother, which brings me to this...


A book that sits on our dinner table to read together called "Mothers and Sons- why sons always need their mothers". A page that is true: A son needs a mother to encourage brotherly love. Brothers are a blessing not everyone gets the chance to have. The brotherhood is a unique relationship that should be nurtured, cherished by the lucky keepers. Any mother of sons knows it needs proper encouragement and guidance at the right times. My boys certainly know how to love eachother, no doubt. I leave that be to them and watch it blossom into their unique bond only they can create. I know well it is a fond/fight relationship. Mom steps in during the fights to preserve and remind them of the fondness they have for eachother. Sometimes it works, and it's through a break, discipline, or redirection of focus. I'm lucky that my boys already have formed a strong brother-bond. It does have it's trying times though... They are different, in almost every single way.

Sergeant Stink (Primary Love Languages: Gift Giving, Acts of Service)

-likes short hair

-very outgoing

-can handle quite a bit

-protective

-adores his mom

-eyelids are shut by 8pm, early riser

-loves a big breakfast, first thing

-washes every crevice and compliments it with body spray

-right handed

-brown eyed

-stindgy with his goods

-stays out of the kitchen unless someone made food for him

-electronically challenged

-"mom do it for me"

-adjusts to things quickly

-prefers fish and fruit

-likes things, trinkets and clutter

-Non fiction reader

Benny (Primary Love Languages: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation)

-likes long hair

-sensitive and shy

-needs a little more nurturing

-wants to know he's protected

-adores his dad

-goes to bed late, likes to sleep in

-doesn't like eating breakfast

-needs to be reminded to comb his hair and use soap in the shower

-left handed

-blue eyed

-likes to share anything he can with you

-loves to cook with mom

-good with electronics

-"mom, let me do it"

-needs to be well prepared for things/no surprises

-enjoys preservative loaded food

-likes a clean, organized, have only what you need environment

-fiction reader

It's no wonder why they have some occasional clashing... but they do compliment eachother very well. I don't know if it's their strong love, differences, or the combination. Whatever it may be, it works. Caring, sharing Benny usually lets brother have the first say because he knows he likes to run the show. Benny taught Stink how to use his PSP. Something that Stink told me about... I will never forget. His brother would get scared and cry at night when he was away from home, adjusting to somewhere new. Stink told me he would hear him and go to his room in the night to sleep with him so that he wouldn't be so scared. I bet I know just what he told him too... buddy it's o.k. One thing my two boys will always have is 'eachother'. Despite the shuffling and some things they go through, they can always count on going through them with one another. Here they are, together...

and again...Here's another...and a couple more... and another...
another...

and another...

I couldn't narrow it down! ;)

Winner, Winner... Sleepy Dinner

He's fast... he's fierce... he's mine... he's first!!! My Sergeant reminded me at the dinner table tonight that he's always finished first place in all of his running club races he's ever competed in... he's right! He was having this conversation, chewing his pork chop and falling asleep- all at once. Tired boy. Then I remind them who they get their legs and endurance from. I was so proud of both of my boys, they give it their all, every time. That and fun is all I hope for. We start our race mornings followed by lots of sleep the night before and a huge breakfast of their choice, light lunch, and 1/2 energy bar before the race then eat the other 1/2 after.
Here S. Stink is at Race #1... made mom get up on the table, scream and get FroYo two times in one week.

Here the babes are at Race #2 today... I had a special request to bring the Texans pillow pet to watch for good luck. We did. It worked.You two are the glisten in my eyes, smile on my face and song in my heart. Love you cupcakes... kiss-kiss

Someday: Codeword for "Never"

James 4:13


It was the Sunday message that struck a cord... yes, one of those. Makes you listen to every word, maybe even sweat a bit. We all have things that are in our thoughts and words that we say we will get to eventually at some point in our lives... 'someday'. I'm a do-er by nature so when I sat in church that morning thinking I'm just taking home a great lesson, the interrogation light turns on and boils me from the inside to out. It started with the realization that our life is like a puff of smoke. It's here... briefly though then gone. I only hope my vapor is as valuable as it's supposed to be.

Someday is a tune that started to be sung since my divorce. That tune of someday I will be a great partner, a fabulous wife again. Truth is I don't let myself get there... I sometimes avoid men, some like a plague and some of them just really annoy me. Sometimes I'd wish it was proper to wear a sign that said "Leave me alone, I'm healing amongst many other things." Then on the back of that sign maybe, "Seriously, go away for now." Or maybe a deterrent of some sort would have been friendlier. Our 'somedays' can cost us, maybe more than we thought to pay... it can also cost others. Just when I started to feel a shimmer of guilt I stopped. I needed this time, deserved this time. There wasn't anyone who I would allow to take this from me. Like I had wrote before in words typed from my very hands... "It takes time, serious time." I needed these moments to heal and focus on my healing children... capture our worth as a trio and imprinting that to make sure we don't accept what we once did. Times are now different for us and there are always things that will need my focus or added attention, but it's time to be open to some things.

I've come a long little way if I reflect. I'm still saucy, a little more confident and always stay humble. I'm pretty self sufficient minus putting in the new air filters backwards and some other things I won't mention. I'm also comfortable with it being my children and I and comfortable with just I at times. I had some fun and freedom. It's peaceful now, tempting to linger too much in. My Mr. Big was in town recently. My eyes saw him differently and the touch was not the same.

It was January 29th, I won't forget the date I realized it sort of unexpectedly. I prayed long, long ago for the Lord to let me know if this time would come. He answered me that 1/29 morning, I knew it. The person I went with whispered a special question. Even the following week I was working very busy of course and in mid-charting when someone came up to me and said, "Did you make your someday today? I saw you at church and just wanted to ask." I smiled at this one. We are never stamped ready, as we thankfully continue to learn and be taught... but if we were I would be, here and now. I may not have the 'someday' today, tomorrow or ever... but at least I recognize where I'm at. Sincerely... My Healed Heart

Happy Valentines Day!




http://vimeo.com/35850598

Frillies

Dear Benny,

You hair is getting long... your so handsome. I secretly took this picture of you today. Your hair does this flipping thing by your ear and it drives me mommy crazy. I'm calling it your Frillies. When you are amidst your sweet nature and talking all jolly and a breeze comes along and those Frillies flap around as you smile with those blue eyes lit up... I want to squeeze the cupcakes out of you and give you a million kissies. It's my new favorite spot to kiss and smell all at once. I love you.

Love,
Mom xoxo, xxxxxx (right on the Frillies)