Frillies

Dear Benny,

You hair is getting long... your so handsome. I secretly took this picture of you today. Your hair does this flipping thing by your ear and it drives me mommy crazy. I'm calling it your Frillies. When you are amidst your sweet nature and talking all jolly and a breeze comes along and those Frillies flap around as you smile with those blue eyes lit up... I want to squeeze the cupcakes out of you and give you a million kissies. It's my new favorite spot to kiss and smell all at once. I love you.

Love,
Mom xoxo, xxxxxx (right on the Frillies)

Weekend T.T.

"Did you get the cheese?" I here Benny say from the back seat talking to brother bear, eating a snack. I have no idea what he's talking about until he sees me eye him and he answers my unspoken question... "On the Ritz". We were on our way to Tucson. I haven't been there since a college party other than to see my brother recently and briefly. My Sergeant had a soccer tournament... Benny got to play too! He filled in for another player. We were excited!!

I was going to get the boys out of school early to go... then I asked myself why for a minute and glad I didn't make the early start. Other than the tournament, Eegee's slushies and Culvers custard oreo cookie there wasn't much out that way. The mountains were surely a sight though. I brought the boys' suits thinking we had an indoor pool at the hotel. We didn't, but that didn't stop them. I really couldn't after they saw what I packed and said. The pool was heated so they ran from that and the hot-tub playing between games while mom read her book.

The boys played hard... and tough. I'm so proud of you pickles. I truly enjoy watching them play, think, sweat through building their confidence. They won all of their games but one... you guys rock!


Saturday night and Sunday afternoon we had some issues. The boys love their sports and they have an intensity for it beyond my comprehension. It's good and I love the enthusiasm it possesses, but it can go bad. When it goes bad it tends to ruin attitudes, days, and whatever is in the way. It's a man-drama that starts at a young age and doesn't change, I guess.

Saturday night we had a tournament celebration with all of the teams involved at the main park. There were short obstacles in what was called 'soccer olympics' scheduled for the kids to compete in... for fun. For fun is the word I like to stress here, because that's what I saw it as. Stink did absolutely not. He went in with his full focused game face and attitude. With mom's silly festival mode, we were in different realms. The park was big, my kids were tired, and there were lots and lots of teams. Ours was scattered and we didn't know where we were supposed to be. After finding the right "goal 3" we were supposed to be at, the team got there late and Stink was pissed. One of the dads took him to another obsticle and my non-cryer returned to me crying. All he said to me as he buried his head in me is, "Mom, we have to go." He meant business, so we went. Brother didn't get to play in his obstacle... he was over it and knew how brother felt. Stink even denied a custard oreo on the way back to the hotel.

Sunday I learned to DVR from my phone. So I recorded the Texans game that was playing while we were on the soccer field. I secretly knew who won from a friend so I tried to butter him up on the way home and lift his spirits before the heartbreak. We arrived home to the Packers playing. Stink was getting prepped and gear out to watch his recorded game... then it happened as I was making a dip for the chips. I knew he spotted the score unexpectedly during a commercial when he looked at me with red ringed and water filled eyes as he said "Mom (long pause, long look)... they lost." I just held him as he did the head burial routine on me again. He was just crushed, defeated. So we snuggled and I game hopped from room to room between game and son. One of the only times you will catch me watching football. Then I had to deal with round two from Benny and the Packers lose. I don't understand it, but I sure understand being there for them.


I'm so sorry for your disappointments, but you guys did a fabulous job, as always. This was an important tournament and one I savored... because the boys have decided to move on to TACKLE FOOTBALL next!

Me, You.

Here I sit with relaxed shoulders to type with... down to my arms, hands, and fingers all at ease against the keyboard tonight. I have had a couple of breaks without my babies that I took some quality advantage of to myself, for myself. Taking time for myself is not something I have ever been very good at. It's something I will always have to work at I've learned. Sometimes us women, even us men fail to remember ourselves and our needs. I tend to get wrapped up in others being a mother and a nurse so much that sometimes I just forget about my own self. It's because I love my family, the people that I take care of and would do just about anything for others if they needed it. When I remember that person that does those things, it's always so nice.

It was a gorgeous day out today... I ran my miles and spent the afternoon on the soccer field with my dear boys. I was so excited about my evening to myself that I packed all of my things up during the last game too early and I didn't realize that the whistle blow was only marking half-time until one of the other mom's asked where I was going so soon. I needed some new boots... and I found them. They were perfect and just what I wanted. Those mushroom colored beauties stared at me right when I walked into my very first store. It was the classic sign of a great shopping day, which don't always come when you want them to. It was the type where you have to leave the mall soon before too much damage was done. I found something even better to indulge in after that: continue partaking in this beautiful day. My sunroof was wide open, windows down, and music up. The 72 degrees whipping through my blonde locks and sun kissing my cheeks made me feel more than that smile I was wearing... and it wasn't from my laugh after I saw what it did to my hair. I then had the 13th hour of a shift, manipulative people, parenting stressors, and fatigued muscles forced out of my shoulders where I tend to carry some things. I had to follow that wonderful massage with my couch and Julia Roberts in my new blu-ray player. The lingering lavender made me drift off to a nap... so peaceful. I love me some peace.

I find that when I remember myself I'm even better at my passions. Life adds up and sometimes you need a time-out. Here's to me... to you... and to the "me" day, evening, morning, or moment we take for ourselves... we are worth it!

Mrs. Tisk Task

I have never, ever made a New Year Resolution... seriously, that I can think of. I'm either already working on something or content with what I'm doing at the moment. A different year doesn't spark the change that should already be there for me if I need to work on something. I did however read an article in the paper on December 28th that caught my attention. So the timing was right that I can slap a "New Year Resolution" label on it.


The article (my resolution): STOP MULTITASKING


I do it. I do it very well. I'm a mom- a single one that works around inconsistency for the sake of my children. My week is always different and I have the same high number of tasks to squeeze in... it's an artsy juggle really. Being here then there and scheduling everything around that and in between. Then I go to work where multitasking is the name of the game with some smarts plus heart and soul. My mornings at work as a Nurse are never the same and neither is the rest of the day. It can be anywhere from humbling to peaceful to busy to hellaciously insane... but it's usually all of them in an order that is as unique as each day. I can count on having to pass and push around 30 different medications throughout the day, get a couple people off to testing, handle some whacked lab values, deal with a blood pressure, hold a hand, clean a couple of big messes (or maybe just one on a good day), talk to all the therapy department personnel, collaberate with some doctor, wipe a tear, answer 20 phone calls throughout the day, deal with a psych episode, listen, chart... all the while constantly talking to someone on my vocera. I'm sure I forgot a ton in that previous sentence. Point is, I do too much. I know how to really cram things in by the second, and I do. Give this girl 5 minutes and boatload of things to do... and I will get them done in 2. The lesson is being good at something doesn't always mean it's good for you.


In the article: STOP MULTITASKING it says "to improve the quality of your life and work". It is very true. We are in a world where we are checking email, eating a meal, and talking on the phone while the TV is on. It's too much. And how could we ever fully pay attention to any one of those things with all the others going on? We can't, and we miss things or don't give credit like we should.


I told my kids one morning to get their seat belts on. I was throwing backpacks and lunches together, cleaning up and putting away dishes as well as get my own self ready to head out the door at the time. My son stops, he looks at me oddly and says, "Mom, were not in the car!!" We weren't, we were in the kitchen still and what I meant to say was... "get your jackets on". We had a good laugh, but I sure didn't like it deep inside.


Time to slow down. I can see meaning start to gradually slip away in some things. I'm going to catch it while I see it, because it's important to me. One of my favorite things to say and live by: Everything in MODERATION. I will never get away from multitasking at work, and that is okay with me. I'm good at it and I need to express my gift somewhere, in something that I love. I will have some as a mom inevitably as well. But home is where that pace takes a change.


PS... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


Cheers to 2012 ;)

Merry Christmas, 2011

Ben-Tenny got Grandma Shari a prayer calendar for Christmas and I would like to share the writings of today's page:

As the year draws to a close, Christmas offers its wonderful message: Emmanuel. God with us. He who resided in Heaven, co-equal and co-eternal with the Father and the Spirit, willingly descended into our world. He breathed our air, felt our pain, knew our sorrows, and died for our sins. He didn't come to frighten us, but to show us the way to warmth and safety.

"Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, for He has visited us and accomplished redemption for His people."

How thoughtful and perfect He always is, Happy Birthday dear Savior... I love You. You care for us all so much that you walked with us, experienced us and what we go through, and taught us along the way. This day is to celebrate You and all that thoughtfulness of Yours, and let us all remember that.

Faces

I just had to post an update to our day and our Nutcracker experiences...I think the Sergeant already knew what was under that sheet (easy wrapping btw). Benny blurted out, "It's a bike!" I got Stink an extra long sappy card and it lengthened the exciting anticipation of what was truly under there. Made him read every word before the great reveal.

He totally loves it... has the sore thumbs to prove it. Breaking in new handlebars hurts. I even let him ride it in the house a bit.

Here we are at Nutcracker #2 after cinnamon and sugar pancakes this morning... Benny asked and made sure they talked at this version. It was a fabulous show at the Children's Dinner Theatre. This was more their style and where we continued to celebrate Stink's Birthday. We just love going to this place! As you can see the kids liked it a whole lot more than Nutcracker #1, which brings me to that. This one was Mom's favorite. I'm the only enthused one in the group here, as you can see. This was Moscow Ballet's Great Russian Nutcracker. It was so soothing... beautiful in every way. Wonderful talent.

This is what mom does to sleeping boys during the ballet at Nutcracker #1... stuffed them with popcorn during intermission.

I have to finish with the best: the candle-blowing scene from today... so fulfilling to know you had a wonderful birthday son. And thanks to both you boys for enduring 2 Nutcracker Shows in 4 days, with a happy heart... troopers!

Little Boys Grow Up

...too fast. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERGEANT STINK.

I remember the day that I met you. I woke up at wee hours out of my sleep and I was sick. I didn't know how it was going to feel and they say you just know, and I did. It was a feeling like no other and I was without a doubt, certain you were on your way. I took my time getting ready for you as I made your Dad pace around. You came fast... at 12:23pm on 12/23 this world just got better and my little peanut at 6 pounds, 4 ounces and 19 inches long was finally here. You were the most perfect little thing that I had ever seen: color, head, features and all... but feisty. Very different from brother bear. You struggled a tad to nurse, but when we both got it you were like velcro on mom for that entire year. You let me sleep only winks for that entire year too. As long as you had what you needed (and you always and to this day know exactly what you want) you were just the happiest baby. Pretty much always giggling and wearing a grin representing either your bliss or that you were up to no good.

You still give your mom those same eyes as you gaze up at me. You did it last night as we were both singing silent night with our candles at church. You never give those looks to anyone else, thank you. I hope one day you will tell me what your thinking when you give me those precious eyes. I will tell you that I am so in love with you my dear boy. You make me proud. You make me work hard. You make me love harder. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You help make me.

We are celebrating your 9th birthday today and I already love the little man your becoming. You still have your expected kid moments because that's what you are; but your respectful, honest, loyal, considerate, and full of fun. You are the man of this house right now, and take that as serious as you can.

I hope this is more than a great birthday for you, I always try my best to make it that way. We are going to see the Nutcracker again this afternoon, kids style play with lunch and a surprise birthday cake. I'm going to make you your pancakes this morning. I picked out the most perfect red bike for you and it's waiting for you in the living room to uncover when you get up. We were up late last night decorating gingerbread houses. I should have slept in but woke up early this morning just as I did 9 years ago, this time tightly snuggling my growing boy. I was even sick to my stomach but it was from the fresh hummus I had eaten at "The Deli" last night. So I am up, ready for your day, I know you will sleep in... but I can't wait to see your face when you awake. You amaze me and I hope that this amazes you, and your day is full of everything you want it to be.

So In Love,
Your Mom... xoxoxoxoxoxxxxx